BURGER KING – HISTORICALLY ACCURATE


Hey, I’d like a double Whopper with cheese,
no onions. And I’d like to invoke the right of Prima Nocta. As King of the Burgers, I have the right to
deflower your wife on her first night. Whoa, what? No. This guy’s nuts! Let’s get out of here. Are you allowing your property to dictate
rules? Perhaps she be a witch. What?! No. I don’t want to deal with this. Let’s go somewhere else. Arrest these fleeing peasants and throw them
in the tower! Spend 30 days in iron shackles, with water
on every third day. Drive pinchers into his nipples! Let’s see if you leave my burgers behind, then! Ew! What is THAT!? Food of the masses is spoilt pork filler
and no vegetables. And bread made with old rye,
so you hallucinate when you eat it. Well, this sucks. I missed the game. Aha! Caught you at your confession! Football is illegal. What? Football is illegal. That’s ridiculous.
That’s not a law a king would pass. King Edward II, 1314 doth declare: Football is illegal. [BURP] Are you drunk? Yes. [BURP] Water is poison, football is illegal. And I have never showered, lest the devil
enter my penis. Screw football, man — you gotta wash your hands. Yeah, you can’t run a restaurant without washing
your hands. That’s illegal. It’s illegal TO wash your hands. And the law applies to both men and dogs. Wha- but dogs never wash their hands. Good dogs never wash their hands. Bad dogs wash their hands and are sentenced
to capital punishment. Medieval times are fuckin’ weird! This is not Medieval Times. This is The Land of Burger and I doth ordain
myself the King! Now, entertain me for your freedom. If I not laugh, you die. Uhh, don’t you have like a jester or a clown
for that? I did get a clown. He did not appease me.? OH my GOD. Now, who dares defy the king? If I say Chickens are Fries, ye shall yield. If I declare a 7-Whopper sandwich be made,
then yea. Do you not remember the Whopperito? Cheetoes Chicken Tenders? I turned Snickers into a Pie, because I’m
mad with power. Ketchup shake? Why not? I’ll blend onion rings until they’re a juice,
and sell them as King’s Grog. Now, dance! No! No. No. No. No. No. We are not dancing! Then as punishment I will bound off your flesh
with this hot oil! Ow! Ow! Oh my god! Oh my god, it’s melting. It’s melting. We’re free!
Go we’re free! Go Go Go! Fine. Have it your way! I always lose them at the hot oil.

86 Replies to “BURGER KING – HISTORICALLY ACCURATE”

  1. Me sees this video goes to this Burger King with a shotgun and kills this guy and says your welcome to everyone

  2. New crispy pretzel chicken fries at Burger King, crunchy crispy outside, tender juicy white meat inside, new crispy pretzel chicken fries at Burger King, or try original chicken fries, only at Burger King.

  3. Lies. Ronald would 100% kick the shit out of the Burger King. I also refuse to believe that McDonald has the ability to die.

  4. I totally remembering learning this story in high school, they told me it took place in the dark ages. And my teachers said this caused the bubonic plague or the American revolution, or both I was to disgusted and bored to pay attention.

  5. I miss those chicken fries they gave you a bag to shake the seasoning and everything they were so good

  6. I'm sorry but king gorge famously bathed every 3 days, pesants bathed every 4 but both pesants and novelty washed their hands, feet and faces every day.

  7. Honestly looks like a hobo guy who found a Burger King costume and dumpster dived in a fast food dumpster for a few days

  8. Screw Burger King and McDonald's. I'm going to Wendy's. Like bathrooms at Burger King and McDonald's. Fucking disgusting

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