Drunk Shopping


– I HAVE QUESTIONS FOR YOU. FIRST QUESTION IS, HOW MANY
OF YOU LIKE TO GO SHOPPING? DO YOU LIKE TO SHOP? [cheers and applause] AND–OH, I’M NOT SENDING YOU
ANYWHERE. DON’T GET– [laughter] NEXT QUESTION IS,
HOW MANY OF YOU LIKE TO DRINK? [cheers and applause] AH. HOW MANY OF YOU ALREADY STARTED
DRINKING EARLIER TODAY? [cheers and applause] YEAH. ALL RIGHT. WELL, HERE’S GOOD NEWS: NOW YOU
CAN DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS?
THERE’S A TREND NOW. THERE’S STORES LIKE NORDSTROM
AND URBAN OUTFITTERS AND BROOKS BROTHERS, THEY’RE PUTTING BARS
IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR STORES. YES. [cheers and applause] WHAT TOOK SO LONG FOR THAT
TO HAPPEN? THAT’S REALLY A GREAT IDEA, THAT YOU CAN DRINK AND SHOP
AT THE SAME TIME. BUT SOME STORES ARE TAKING IT
TOO FAR. I WALKED INTO THIS STORE
LAST WEEK, AND THERE WERE, LIKE, HALF-NAKED
WOMEN STANDING AT THE DOOR AND IMMEDIATELY OFFERED ME
A SHOT, AND I WAS LIKE, “THIS IS CRAZY!” AND THEY WERE LIKE,
“THIS IS HOOTERS!” AND I WAS LIKE, “OH. UH-OH.
WRONG STORE.” I THOUGHT IT WAS
A CUTE OWL STORE. I WAS GOING IN
TO BUY SOME OWL STUFF. ON THE OTHER HAND,
IT COULD BE A GOOD IDEA. YOU REALLY–LET’S BE HONEST.
IS IT REALLY SMART? I MEAN, YOU’RE TRYING ON SKINNY
JEANS AND BATHING SUITS– I MEAN, YOU HAVE A FEW SHOTS
OF TEQUILA IN YOU, AND YOU DON’T KNOW
WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE ANYMORE. “AH, THIS LOOKS GOOD.” SHOPPING CAN BE STRESSFUL. THERE’S THAT
FLUORESCENT LIGHTING. IT MAKES YOU LOOK SAD. CONSTANTLY HAVING DEBBIE OR LUCY OR WHATEVER
THE SALES LADY’S NAME IS BRING YOU THE RIGHT SIZE. “NO, ONE SIZE UP, I GUESS.
I DON’T KNOW. ALL RIGHT, LET’S TRY
THE TWO SIZES UP THEN.” THEN YOU HAVE TO FIND
THE GOOD MIRROR. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT,
‘CAUSE… THE ONE THAT MAKES YOUR BUTT
LOOK MORE KARDASHIANIST OR SOMETHING. THEN YOU ONCE YOU FINALLY FIND
SOMETHING THAT YOU LIKE, YOU NOTICE IT LOOKS BETTER
ON THE MANNEQUIN, AND YOU’RE LIKE, “WHY DOES THAT
LOOK BETTER ON THE MANNEQUIN?” YOU KNOW WHY? ‘CAUSE THEIR ARMS DON’T BEND SO THEY CAN’T SHOVEL CINNABUNS
INTO THEIR MOUTH LIKE… THAT’S WHY. [cheers and applause] I’M TELLING YOU. ONCE THEY START MAKING
MANNEQUINS WITH ARMS THAT BEND, THEY’RE GONNA GET FAT,
THOSE MANNEQUINS. ANYWAY, THERE ARE ALSO PLENTY
OF REASONS WHY DRUNK SHOPPING COULD BE BAD. THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE. HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE MADE GOOD
DECISIONS WHILE YOU’RE DRUNK? YOU GET DRUNK; YOU END UP
TEXTING YOUR EX. YOU GET DRUNK; YOU END UP
CUTTING YOUR OWN BANGS. YOU GET DRUNK; YOU END UP
WITH THINGS THAT ARE PERMANENT– A BABY. SO WHO KNOWS WHAT
YOU’RE GONNA END UP BUYING IF YOU’RE TIPSY? ONE TIME I HAD A DRINK
AND I WENT TO COSTCO, AND I BOUGHT A PILLOW
THAT I THOUGHT WAS THE MOST COMFORTABLE THING
I EVER PUT MY HEAD ON. I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING.
IT WAS A SNOW TIRE. I HAD BOUGHT– IN MY BED, A GIANT SNOW TIRE
WITH CHAINS AND… OH. I DON’T KNOW
ABOUT DRUNK SHOPPING. THERE’S ONE THING THAT PEOPLE
LIKE TO DO AFTER A FEW DRINKS. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT? YEAH. [cheers and applause] HOW DARE YOU? I’M TALKING ABOUT DANCING.

100 Replies to “Drunk Shopping”

  1. But people can get in a crash for drinking and driving or if there with a friend that's sober then it's fine I guess

  2. I am student who is struggling to pay for college, I put together this massive video for Ellen to see if she could help me! It includes me interviewing strangers about Ellen and sorting M&Ms for Bradley Cooper. The video is on my channel! 

  3. You know why these stores are putting in bars?
    Cause they're expensive as hell.
    You don't give a fuck how expensive something is when you're drunk.

  4. Ellen, I love going drunk shopping. After having a meal and a few drinks, you would feel full and you would want to walk around, especially in your favorite stores. Every time I have gone drunk shopping, I have bought good stuff. And then by the time you are done shopping, you would be sober to drive home.

  5. Ellen, stop being so funny. Its 2am and im laughing, the only thing wrong with that is that im the only one up 🙂

  6. my BIGGEST problem, red wine and the internet. and I have no idea how to save myself. This market is sooooo big, believe me.:) –so then I have to handle it by my own. (but then always on my head, if people buy my products). …. I should dance

  7. sometimes I wonder if the people who sit there really like Ellen and find her funny. Or just because of the free stuff/..

  8. I used to know people that drunk order stuff. They said it was like recieving strange gifts, from yourself. And though I can imagine how much fun it can be to recieve a package with stuff you ordered, I'd rather save the money and spend it conciously while shopping in real life. It's more social, it's more healthy, (you move around and carry the stuff) and there's no chances of you ordering stuff you don't want to have in the first place (like a bouquet of scissors which you thought was funny to multiply to '10" when they are in fact 15 dollars each.)
    The real life end-result is you having to put all that stuff online again to re-sell it, which isn't fun, and losing an average of 50% of the money on it.
    Again, I prefer to conciously shop and enjoy finding the object and taking it home with me, while smiling at the friendly cashier and maybe even meeting people in the shoppingmall. Instead of being drunk and alone at home.

  9. There is a free Android app at the Play Store called StupidStopper that can stop people from doing drunk texting, drunk dialing, and other stupid things that embarrass themselves.

  10. in my school we could buy a pie and throw it into a teacher, friend, and the principal face for one dollar who should i throw it to

  11. in my school we could buy a pie and throw it into a teacher, friend, and the principal face for one dollar who should i throw it to

  12. Love you!! You keep me company all day while i clean, cook, laundry and when i sew love your jokes. You are a kind soul. ❤️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️✌️️✌️️✌️️✌️️

  13. Hi my name is kamran and I live in Nashville Tennessee 360 ladybird Drive. Ellen I'm your biggest I love you fan I can do anything for you and I'm gonna be just like you I'm going to help 1,000 of people that are not happy and homeless people. I'm going to open up a new Channel and I will name it the Ellen show two, but I can't do that because my body get 200 dollar every month and I need to help me with 1,000 dollar and I swear to never use it for myself I would help homeless people, and family's I will give them good food, shelter. and mainly I make a video to show you how I am helping others. please reply me….😍😍

  14. Some types of stores are just not good for drunk shopping. Drunks buying upholstery fabric? Selecting an office chair? Tootling around a farm supply store when the baby chicks are in? But having a couple of beers at the flea market at 10AM is fun once in a while.

  15. Literally 75% of Amazon's revenue must come from from drunk shoppers. But I can only speak for my own Amazon purchases.

  16. this reminds me of the time I would buy stuff at night when I'm drunk and leave them in store but the next morning I wouldn't remember where exactly

  17. I swear to god Ellen and Portia is my favourite proson ….. but Ellen I want to watch your dance with audience ….. oh yeah don't know why ,but that's not in YouTube . and Ellen I want to watch your fully episode but that's not in YouTube too … that's my biggest problems

  18. is there a time machine? I wish that I would go back in time and I would of fixed my biggest mistake 😭 I fucked up so badly and it happend 😭 if only I had a time machine 😭

  19. Plz come to India, assam,guwahati & do a show here.. Will be very pleased to meet u..I love Ellen show

  20. (no lessons) a sujestion: according in the begining of the shopping period, the maximum amount of shopping for the day, with the selling company, after that negociaiton, drink and buy, with the "plus"(if regarded that way) of alcohool influence in the choices…

  21. Please check our website! You pay us to get diamonds hunters to give you diamonds! Which you can sell for around 10,000-200,000 money. Here’s the link! Make sure to buy some diamond hunters! www.diamondhuntersofficial.com

  22. But you can drink safely and cheaper at home & just shop online? I bought a blonde wig for a dollar when nobody else bid in it, it was worth a laugh at work

  23. I made a good decision while I was pretty drunk. I was like: "girls…I am pretty drunk so I'm talking and laughing way too much… but anyways I'M GAY. okay?"

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