Giving Out Your Real (Fake) Name | Dennis Regan | Dry Bar Comedy


You know what I hate now? The stores they always, they want you to join their frequent shopper Club That would be fine, but I don’t want to be in the club, and I don’t want all the questions, you know I’m at Banana Republic getting a couple of things and she’s there. You remember the super shoppers Club? I go no no I don’t want to be. Sign you up real quick you get 20% off all these purchases I don’t want to be in this stupid Club You get 10% off all your future purchases. This is the third time. I’m telling you. I don’t want to be in the club She says we’ll send you emails and tell you about upcoming sales That’s what I told her I said look. I’m wanted in six states I’m a fugitive from justice that’s why I can’t be in the club That’s what I told her. And she said you just gave me your credit card. I said that’s not my credit card How long would I remain at-large? Handing out my actual credit card And at the grocery store supermarket your PIN thing doesn’t work in the deal They want you to yell your phone number out in the middle of the store. That’s not smart. Security, ladies Don’t yell your phone number out in the middle of the grocery store, not if I’m around No, because I’ll call you. I’ll call you up. I called a lady a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, hello. Yeah, this is Dennis Yeah, you probably don’t remember me. Yeah, I was standing behind you in line at the grocery store Yeah, I was wearing a brown shirt, but you were kind of ignoring me But you gave me your phone number Well, you didn’t give it to me specifically, but I was there to catch it Thought I’d give you call and see what’s up, so what’s up? I’d come by your house. I don’t know your address though I can find it on the internet doing a $40 reverse look-up, but I thought you might save me the money I’ll come by and bring you some flowers You know, I don’t know what kind of flowers you like. There’s so much about you I don’t know But I do know your phone number My phone number no. I got that blocked caller ID Yeah, you can not be too careful these days Lot of nut jobs out there. Lot of wack jobs The Starbucks is, what are they asking what my name is for? It’s another business wanna know what my name is Just give me a cup of coffee. I’ll give you nine dollars. We’ll call it a transaction. I know they want to write it on the cup right? That’s the way they operate, but that’s not the way I operate I’ve started doing this, they go, what’s your name? It’s, uh, Glarbsttentenford What is it? It’s Glarbsttentenford It’s spelled just the way it sounds, Glarbsttentenford. The common spelling G-L, A-R-B, S-T, and another T E-N, T-E-N F-O-R-D Glarbsttentenford Some people just call me Glarb for short, but I prefer Glarbsttentenford Glarbsttentenford I recently did that, right, at Starbucks. I didn’t have enough cash, I didn’t have the nine dollars. So I had to use my credit card Which has my real name on there. The guys like, your name is Dennis! You’re not Glarbsttentenford You’re not Glarbsttentenford at all. Why did you say you were? I’m like, yeah, you’re right. Dennis. That’s my given name That is on my birth certificate. I got that when I was born but Glarbsttentenford is my nickname Yeah, I got that when I was a really little kid I got that early on because my sister Peggy was a little baby. She couldn’t pronounce Dennis And it just came out it came out Glarbsttentenford And ever since said that what everybody calls me my nephews, they called me Uncle Glarbsttentenford I kind of like it. One thing, I don’t like is I can’t find a key chain with the name Glarbsttentenford on there Or a Mini license plate from my bicycle Subscribe to Dry Bar Comedy for even more of the world’s largest collection of clean comedy=)

100 Replies to “Giving Out Your Real (Fake) Name | Dennis Regan | Dry Bar Comedy”

  1. Dry Bar Comedy My little sister use to call me Monan because she couldn't pronounce my name, Shawn, LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! Shut up.

  2. A master of humor to the marrow of his bones. In this dysfunctional world of insatiable greed, nothing brings a deep breath of relief like good, tasteful humor.

  3. How he got his fake nickname is actually how my aunt got her nickname. When she was born, she have a brother who was a few years older than her and he was told that she was his baby sister. He could say sister. All he could say was Thudda. So for many years she was Thudda. Her nieces and nephews called her Aunt Thudda. Now we call her Aunt Virginia but my mother still calls her Thudda and they're both in their 80s.

    Thudda is not as funny as Glockenspiel….oops. Wrong name. That was on the Flintstones.

    Glarbstintinford!

  4. This is great. I was with a friend at Starbucks one time and when they asked him his name, he said "God". The Barista laughed. Surprisingly that is how they call out the order when it was done. "Grande latte one Splenda no foam for God". Needless to say the reaction of the room was shock

  5. Whenever I go to places that want my name I say a random name too. At Starbucks, it's Alex. At that Boba shop it's Dahlia. At that ice cream shop, it's Genesis. Also, it's not the same Everytime I go. Hell, this isn't even my real name.

  6. Hahhahahahhahahab hahahahhahabahahahahahabbahahahahahahhaha hahhahahahhahahab hahahahhahabahahahahahabbahahahahahahhaha hahhahahahhahahab hahahahhahabahahahahahabbahahahahahahhaha hahhahahahhahahab hahahahhahabahahahahahabbahahahahahahhaha hahhahahahhahahab that name destroyed me!

  7. The more he said that name the more uncontrollable my laugh grew. Was not expecting that to be that funny! But it was

  8. The level of sarcasm and zero fucks attitude this guy has achieved is something to admire. Seriously. I want to be him when I grow up.

  9. Soooooo all the famous rich comedians do there thing. Then you have this Amazing Comedic Genius who just flys past them like there standing still!!!

  10. The way he told his criminal jokes made me think of Creed from the Office, he could totally channel that and be awesome.

  11. I was listening to a playlist of comedians the other day when Dennis popped up and I realized he was super funny but I didn't realize his last name was Regan (Brian Regan is my favorite). About halfway through I'm thinking "wow this guy reminds me of Brian Regan! He even kind of looks like him!". Then I read his last name. I didn't know Brian's brother did stand up!!! I want the gene they have that makes them funny.

  12. I wish people would understand that we (retail workers) are told over and over again to push the credit cards, loyalty programs, etc. We don't want to, but we get yelled at if we don't try to persuade the customer to sign up

  13. He is very funny. His brother's trifocal joke: "It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Alpha Centauri!" & Poptart joke "I see where your going with this" up & out the door in seconds (loosen up your schedule) are such favorites. These two can't be beat.

  14. Can you imagine what his parents had to put up with when he was a kid? Having he and his brother Brian as a combination would have had their parents in stitches lol.

  15. some reason that name (his "real/fake" name) reminds me of the guy that made fjords in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

    what was it again, i can never remember how it was spelled… [looks it up] oh yes… Slartibartfast.

    now i wonder if he had a little sister that couldn't say his "given name" either. ^^

  16. Love your humor and I am going to use Glarbsttentenford my next trip to Starbucks! And if I ever get stopped by the police!

  17. This is not a clean Comedy channel. Glarbsttentenford on my plaet get you a cup of coffe for $8.85. Glarbsttentenford

  18. "What's your name?"
    "It's not important. It's Slartabartfast. I told you it wasn't important." –Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy

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