Kyle Kinane – “I Liked His Old Stuff Better” – Drinking in the Shower

– No, I fell–
back in December, I fell. I fell real bad as I was, uh– I was at home.
I fell in the shower. I was drunk.
I was drinking in the shower. I drink in my shower. I drink in my shower, not like I need to drink so much
that it carries over. I wait for the shower. I choose to drink in the shower because everybody deserves
a spa day in this world, and– [crowd cheers] I’m glad you agree with me. Why is it perfectly acceptable, oh, drive out somewhere
and go to a spa, and if you lay down
in their establishment with rose petals and champagne,
that’s fine? But I do it vertically
in my own home with a six-pack on the back
of the toilet for easy reaching, I’m some sort of scumbag
all of a sudden? It’s the one room
you can be alone and naked and have a cocktail in. Every other room in your house
has a drink appointed to it. What are you–
are you on the porch? Have a mint julep
on the porch. Oh, what,
are you in your living room? Have a sophisticated scotch
or a snifter of brandy. What, are you in the garage, tinkering around
with your motorcycle? Have a beer in the garage. But, oh, I’m gonna have
something in the bathroom, like, you should probably go
to meetings. No, man, I don’t need to go. I set it up.
I have an event for myself. I have the drinks
on the back of the toilet. Don’t bring them in there
with you. You don’t need them that close. I have a waterproof Bluetooth
speaker for the shower shelf. I put the iPod on shuffle
in the other room, and I let Steve Jobs DJ my mood
from beyond the grave. And he gets it right! All right, DJ Steve. That’s the 160-gig model,
35,000 songs. I got about nine ex-roommates’
libraries on there. What can you do for me? Five Motorhead tunes,
then three Lionel Richie jams. Shit.

21 Replies to “Kyle Kinane – “I Liked His Old Stuff Better” – Drinking in the Shower”

  1. I don't get excited about much…but anything new that Kinane puts out I am ecstatic about.  I cannot wait to see this.

  2. Awesome that you are getting your special in Comedy Central man! Somehow I feel proud for him, such an awesome stand up comedian, although kind of "bleak and mysanthropic"

  3. Before Ser Davos was smuggling all over the 7 kingdoms. He was performing stand up and already drinking like a sailor.

  4. Coming home after a hard day's work , and you don't know what you want 1st , a shower or a beer ? How bout both ! I knew I wasn't the only one !

  5. Drinking Everclear and Orange Crush on my porch right now… I think I have a problem.

    And yes, this took multiple edits to write clearly.

  6. Hey! Does anyone remember the bit he did about hosting a dinner at his house? When he talked about this woman's dish that she brought. " I'd actually be surprised if that was hard to make. I could just imagine her saying. Yeah so I woke up and as me and my husband are fucking I started stirring it. As he's fucking im stirring and he's stirring I'm fucking….. Could you stop!" That shit had me dying!!!

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