Two Church Ladies vs. Satan – Key & Peele


– [sighs] HAPPY SUNDAY, ESTHER. – HAPPY SUNDAY, GEORGINA. HOW WAS YOUR WEEK? – OH, THE LORD IS WITH ME.
– MM-HMM. – BUT THE DEVIL, HE GOT HIS HANDS
ON MY GRANDNIECE GRACE. – OH, NO.
– MM-HMM. OUT THERE SMOKING THE REEFER,
DOING THE HANKY-PANKY WITH BOYS. – NO, GEORGINA. – OH, ESTHER, YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE ALL THINGS
THAT ARE GOOD AND HOLY. – MM-HMM.
– BUT IF HE DOESN’T LET GO OF MY GRANDNIECE GRACE, I’M GONNA CUT
THE DEVIL’S [bleep] OFF AND SHOVE IT IN HIS ASS. – MM-HMM. – WITH MY PRAYERS.
– I KNOW YOU WILL, GEORGINA. I KNOW YOU WILL. – HOW WAS YOUR WEEK, GIRL? – OH, YOU KNOW ME. I’M BLESSED AND THANKFUL
FOR EVERYTHING. – MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT. – BUT YOU KNOW MY GRANDSON JASON
GOT HISSELF WRAPPED UP IN THE LEATHERY CLAWS OF SATAN. – NOT JASON.
– HE GOT HISSELF ARRESTED FOR THE SPRAY-PAINTING
AND THE VANDALISM. – OH, LORD. – AND I TELL YOU, I NEVER RAISE MY HAND IN ANGER, BUT IF HE DON’T LET JASON GO, I’M GONNA PUNCH THAT [bleep]
SATAN IN THE NUTS SO HARD, IT WIPE THE [bleep]-LICKING
SMIRK OFF HIS HORNED-ASS FACE. – MM-HMM. – WITH MY PRAYERS.
– AMEN. I KNOW YOU WILL, ESTHER,
I KNOW YOU WILL, BUT ESTHER, I GOTTA TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE, NOW. – MMM, LET IT OUT. – YOU KNOW, ESTHER, THAT I HAVE FOUND SERENITY
IN THE GLORY OF HEAVEN. – YES. – BUT MY DAUGHTER’S HUSBAND
BERNARD HAS GOT HIMSELF WEDGED BETWEEN THE CLEFT HOOVES
OF LUCIFER HISSELF. – MMM.
– SHE OPENED UP HIS LAPTOP COMPUTER AND FOUND
THE PORNOGRAPHY OF WOMEN. – NOT THE PORNOGRAPHY OF WOMEN. – ABSOLUTELY
THE PORNOGRAPHY OF WOMEN. – NOT ON THE LAPTOP COMPUTER. – ON THE LAPTOP COMPUTER FOUND
THE PORNOGRAPHY OF WOMEN. – MMM. – I AM A PACIFIST
UNDER GOD’S REQUEST, BUT IF HE DON’T LET GO
OF BERNARD, I’M GONNA SNEAK UP
ON THAT BITCH-ASS LUCIFER RIGHT IN THE MIDST
OF HIS SLEEP TIME. – OH.
– AND THEN I’M GONNA SIT ON THAT MOTHER[bleep]’S HEAD, AND I’M GONNA SPREAD MY BOOTY
CHEEKS ON THAT PIG’S FACE, AND I’M GONNA JUST
PUCKER UP MY STANK HOLE… – WHOO. – AND JUST TOOPS, TOOPS, TOOPS, SCOOPS,
BEDOOP-SCOOP-SCOOP-SKEDOOPS UNTIL THAT [bleep]
GOT A BROWN DOT ON HIS NOSE THAT I CAN USE
FOR TARGET PRACTICE. SHA-PLOW! – SHOOT THAT.
– SHA-PLOW! – SHOOT THAT!
– SHA-PLOW! – WHOO, SHOOT THAT [bleep]
IN THE [bleep]-NACK. – WITH MY PRAYERS. – WITH YOUR PRAYERS,
OF COURSE, OF COURSE. OH, GEORGINA, GEORGINA,
GEORGINA. – YUP, YUP, YUP, YUP, YUP? – OH, I GOT NOTHING BUT FAITH
IN GOD AND HEAVEN ABOVE, BUT I TELL YOU,
MY SON’S WIFE CRYSTAL, SHE GOT HERSELF WRAPPED UP
IN THE FIERY WINGS OF MEPHISTOPHELES HISSELF. – HERE WE GO. – YOU KNOW, SHE GOT CAUGHT USING
PROFANITY WITH HER OWN CHILDREN. – WHAT?
– AT THE DINNER TABLE. – OH, LORD, CHILD, CHILD. – GEORGINA DARLENE MARTIN! OH, I HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE FOR
EVERY CREATURE ON THIS PLANET, BUT IF HE DON’T LET
MY DARLING CRYSTAL GO, I’M GONNA FLIRT WITH THE DEVIL.
– OH. OH. – SHOW HIM A LITTLE BIT
OF SHOULDER. “HOW YOU DOIN’?” HE GONNA START LOOKING AWAY,
I’M GONNA START TWERKING. START TWERKING,
HE GONNA BE LIKE, “WHOO.” HE GONNA BE,
HE GONNA BE DRAWN IN. – MM-HMM. – SEDUCE THAT LITTLE
MOTHER[bleep]. GIVE HIM ONE OF THESE.
“HI.” BATTING MY EYELASHES AT HIM. THEN WHEN HE LEAST EXPECTS IT, AND I GOT HIS TRUST, THAT’S WHEN
I’M GONNA RIDE THAT [bleep]. I’M GONNA GIVE HIM
THE NIGHT OF HIS LIFE, A NIGHT
HE AIN’T NEVER GONNA FORGET. – GO GET HIM.
– I’M GONNA GIVE HIM THIS WAY. I’M GONNA GIVE HIM THAT WAY. AND THEN,
RIGHT WHEN HE ABOUT TO CLIMAX, THAT’S WHEN I’M GONNA CLENCH
UP MY [bleep] ON THAT MOTHER[bleep]’S
RED [bleep], AND I’M GONNA SNAP THAT [bleep]
[bleep] OFF WITH A DIVINE KEGEL. – WELL, YOU GONNA SNAP THAT
[bleep] [bleep] OFF. – WHOO!
– SNAP IT OFF! WHOO! – WITH MY PRAYERS.
– WITH YOUR PRAYERS. WITH YOUR PRAYERS.
– WITH MY PRAYERS. – OF COURSE.
WITH THE PRAYERS, YEAH. BUT THAT’S RIGHT, GIRL.
– YES. – YOU GO GET HIM, ESTHER!
– YES! – [bleep] SATAN!
– [bleep] HIM! – [bleep] HIM IN THE– – WHA–WHAT’S HAPPENING,
GEORGINA? – [deep voice]
GEORGINA ISN’T HERE ANYMORE. [maniacal laugh] IT IS I, SATAN. – AH! [blows landing] – [normal voice]
AH! NO, ESTHER! I’M IN HERE, THOUGH!
– OH! – I’M KICKING
THIS [bleep]’S ASS. – YEAH!
[blows landing] – [deep voice] OH, HELP ME.
SOMEBODY HELP ME. I CA–CAN’T GET OUT
OF THIS BITCH. – OH, GET HIM, GEORGINA!
GET HIM! – [normal voice]
I STUCK A SAFETY PIN IN THIS [bleep]’S URETHRA. – OOH!
– [deep voice] OWW! [bleep]!
THAT HURTS! [normal voice]
RIGHT NOW I GOT HIS [bleep] IN MY HANDS LIKE A OLD RAG. I’M WRINGING OUT!
I’M WRINGING IT OUT! – OH, GIVE ME SOME OF THAT. I WANT A PIECE OF HIM, YES. TAG ME IN. [groans] [gasps] [deep voice]
WHO IS THIS CRAZY BITCH, NOW? [normal voice]
AH, IT’S ME, MOTHER[bleep]! YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, BITCH!
[laughs] THAT’S RIGHT, [bleep].
I’M ON TOP OF YOU. I’M ON TOP OF HIM. [deep voice]
WHAT’S GOING ON? THIS FEELS GOOD.
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? [normal voice]
OH, YOU’LL SEE IN A SECOND, MOTHER[bleep].
– JUST WAIT, MOTHER[bleep]. – [deep voice] OH, I’M WAITING,
BUT OH, HERE I [bleep]. HERE I [bleep]. [normal voice]
HERE YOU GO, HA! GRABBED IT!
SNAP! – OOH!
– OOH, I GOT HIM GOOD. [deep voice]
I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU SAY. I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU SAY. – TOO LATE NOW.
TOO LATE NOW, SATAN. OH, SHH.
WE SHOULD PROBABLY GO. – [normal voice]
OH, YEAH, LET’S GO, LET’S GO. – WE DON’T WANT TO
DISTURB THE SERVICE. – OOH, I GOT A HOLD OF HIM. I’M GONNA–WE GONNA GO
MEDIEVAL ON HIS ASS. [deep voice] NO, NO!
OH, LORDY! I CAN’T TAKE IT. I CAN’T TAKE IT. [normal voice]
GET OVER HERE, MISTER. [deep voice]
PLEASE, PLEASE! GET THESE CRAZY BITCHES
OFF OF ME. JESUS CHRIST IS MY PERSONAL LORD
AND SAVIOR, I SWEAR. – YOU’RE TOO LATE FOR THAT NOW.

50 Replies to “Two Church Ladies vs. Satan – Key & Peele”

  1. Can we please get a sequel or something for this…. won't say "no" to an entire series, if you ask me ? Had a great laugh on this one, thanks folks.

  2. These guys are satanic puppets sent to trivialize the very important truth that is Christianity. Stop watching them, your soul is at stake. Read up about what the visions of Fatima were. Say the Rosary every day in Jesus name. And dont get a plastic rosary without the INRI. Plastic ones without inri written on it are satanic imposter rosaries.

  3. I'm white. I was a chaplain's assistant in the army for 12 years. I got hurt and have left God in and out. When I was in, Gospel service was my favorite. No rituals, no back stabbing, just love.
    When I go back to God it will be at a Gospel Church.

  4. I was watching this is the last day of my collage with a bunch of my friends and we laughed so hard our teacher heard us from the other side of the building.

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